CCHS’s underground transportation system has been exposed. Many students are upset and indignant over the fact that some of their classmates have been traveling to school in limos. 

These limos aren’t solely transportation, however. Most are equipped with a dining service, lavish decorations, and a tutoring service. The dining service provides five-course meals which are prepared by Queen Elizabeth II’s Royal Chef. One student who has experienced the service reported the food to be “beautiful and utterly delicious”. The tutoring service is equally impressive, offering one-on-one support for students who need assistance with homework and studying for tests. The lucky students are even allowed to invite their friends, as long as they sign a non-disclosure agreement. 

While accepted students have to pledge to keep the secrecy of the club intact, someone on the inside has been leaking information (and not just my insider). Rumor has it that the members of a secret society known as the CCSSSS (Concord Carlisle Secret Society of Sensational Students) are eligible to compete for prizes. The disclosed information has been making its way down the halls of CCHS and starting boycotts. Students are refusing to attend class until the CCSSSS admits to gatekeeping these special privileges from the majority of the student body. Most students had no idea that some of their peers have been receiving limo rides because the prestigious vehicles have been taking secret Waze routes and dropping off students in their underground parking garage, which apparently has been located under the school since the building was created. The entrance to the parking garage has been said to be near the skate park and is camouflaged so well, it is virtually invisible to the eye of an outsider.  

Many students are wondering how they can receive these same privileges. My inside source mentioned that “to get into the club, students should buy a box of donuts for the voting committee of CCSSSS, which consists of a select group of faculty members and students. Make sure to get a few jelly donuts, and throw in a couple of munchkins for extra security.” 

Prizes and rewards are supposedly determined by a point system. Members can receive points for good grades, extensive school spirit, exemplary behavior, and not hogging the school therapy dogs. Rewards you can get with a few points are gift cards and homework passes. However, the best rewards require more points. For example, with 1,000 points you can ride a pony to and from school. With 5,000 points you can get a limousine for a month. With more than 7,500 points you can start to win vacations. One student was even able to go snorkeling in Bora Bora while another was able to explore Paris, visiting many tourist attractions, including the Louvre. 

Nevertheless, the CCHS limo service seems to be the most popular among students, especially since the limo drivers have chauffeured many celebrities such as Taylor Swift, Bill Nye, and Harry Styles. One lucky student was even able to have a conversation with Dwayne Johnson over the phone while he was scheduling an appointment with the driver. 

So, if you are interested in being driven to school like royalty, head down to Dunkin today and purchase your golden tickets, and hopefully you’ll be let in on this sweet deal with the CCSSSS.